Unsure bout lotsa stuff, loves being around friends, loves football but not good at it, maybe 22 but is 7 at heart for the longing to relive a very much missed childhood...
Read this line from a tweet of a friend's, friend. Seemed to make sense.
"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be
amazing.If she's worth it, u won't give up.If u give up, you're not
worthy.
And here's a nice song....
If I were to ever live that long, who's to say I wouldn't wait...
Returned to Penang for the wrong reasons, a tragedy to be more specific, Uncle has passed on.
Home wasn't what i expected, my room's been hijacked and it's a mess.
I can't believe you all can be in the same roof, much less room as him.
You ask me to forgive and patch things up with him, well if you can ask me to do so, you don' know that well after all.
Not happening. No way.
I left without a word.
I now dread the notion of returning there.
Why, Emma Morley, why'd you have to die, you left us all in tears as if we've known you for our entire life.
I. Love. The. Book.
So tiring sometimes, more of in the mental sense, feeling how the huge ego's of some men can ruin a supposed to be fun occupation of being a cook. Certain individuals I guess i will not name here, so eager to please their higher up's that their willing to dump you on the chopping block just to "bodek" them, not that it's happened to me, but from what I've observed. Bloody huge ego!
My mother's choice words to describe me from her very own mouth,
-Arrogant
-Irresponsible
-Cocky
-And a whole lot more
Glad that I'm living up to your expectations of being a total disappointment. Glad that I'll never be like the cousin you so love comparing me with, cos he's oh so perfect, he's so well behaved, he handles himself so well unlike me. Glad I'll be the son you wish you never had. Glad that I'm going to be so much worse than that man in the room with a padlock on it.
I admit it I am rather lazy at time at home and wont do shit unless told to do so, which only happens at home, but fuck that, is telling to do something really so hard, just say it once or twice and I get to it in a bit. You don't tell, I don't do. This only applies in this house, no where else.
You think I give a fuck that you got the person to open the door so we could get the computer out, even if you didn't do so, I couldn't have cared less, You suggested it so I said go ahead, every chance to fuck up the guy in the room, is a chance I relish. But you had to make it about me...'Oh I spent money to take the com out from that room for you, this and that for you' What ever helps you sleep lah....
Go ahead and pray all you want, but as long as you don't stop firing your mouth off at every fucking small thing, and expecting me to report my every move to you like your other loyal junior dog, you can kiss your wish of having me being all obedient to you, goodbye, the more you push, the harder I shove back, even it may take a hell of a long time, I will break You down.
Sorry you cant drag me around like a dog on a leash, sorry I will not beg, roll over, play dead or sit when tell me to do so.
You're THAT much of a pain, making him to wanna leave you on multiple times, he couldn't stand your crap I suppose but that doesn't mean he's excused for doing what he's done, back to what I was saying, then again, who could stand you?
Thank you so very much for everything
On the 8th of Nov, it was a monday I remember, because I had class on that day too. Well, we had about an hour of break time in the evening, so I carpooled with my other college mates, they wanted to have cendol but I wanted to eat something else, so I took a slow walk to Nasi kandar Safa that's very near GAMA and also that Tanjung Tuition Centre, so ya, just as I walked past Craven, a li'l chinese boy happened to scamper out of a key making shop, then you know what, that kid's fuckface of a dad called him back in Hokkien, which I understood, he said, (after translation), "Ei, come back in now or else the Indian will take you away, faster come in."
What. The. Fuck.
The Indian will take you?! Why for gonads sake would I wanna take a lil'l yellow kid for!!
Lucky for that old shite that I had to get back to college soon and that I was hungry as hell or I'd sure have yelled your ass off in front of your own kid, pockmarked dick face!
Such rubbish talk from parents to their children, what the fuck will that kid grow up and think of Indians as, a bunch of chinese kidnappers??
Sheesh.....!
Here are two video's that i chanced upon while trawling through the net, both are worth a watch I'll say.
Incident I- The Back-heel.
What! A! Goal! Dang, he so had that planned down to an ankle flick!
Yeah Drogba, eat that!! Your back heel the other day was a lucky finish, ass! You didn't even know if yours had gone in till you took a moment to see, dip shit! In your face...
These Irish league dudes are really quite the players don't you think, real masterpiece that one there.
Hat's off to you Mr. Burrows, a more than worthy match-winner.
Incident II- The Celebration.
Hahahaha! These Scandinavian lads must have too much time in hand to choreograph the whole act, and even dying with an itch waiting for the chance to put their act on show. It "reel"y cracked me up, that's for sure. Iceland boys, you reel rock me socks off!
Incident III- The Passing.
Well this is about an unrelated incident, last week, Banana baby's Granny passed away after a bout of illness, my condolences to her and the rest of her family.
I'm sure She lived her life to the most that she could and she loved everyone close to her to her capacity and much more. In time you will learn to accept her passing with a more open heart as just the cycle of life moving through the motions, just as your parents will, just as your friends will, just as you will.
May she be in peace, rest well...
Yesterday we had a li'l outing as to celebrate her belated birthday, she's all grown up to be a very pretty lady now.
We had our lunch at this kinda new joint called the clinic cafe, unique layout and concept, but the food was pretty mainstream, but sedap anyway. The young lady also got a call bearing good news when we were eating, so once more, Kongratulasi!!!!
*could she be like dexter?!?! sweet girl by day, serial killer by night, with her rather small set of weapons though.. :p *
She had a mmmm... was it a mocha or cappucino...? In a mini old school medicine bottle, comel... but not as comel as her Hammie!
Ini, saya punya Oreo Milkshake..
This is her Chicken Cordon Bleu, and yes, that is a syringe, filled with sauce..
Mine was Black Pepper Chicken with pasta, notice the container its served in..
Seems somewhat UFO like don't you think.... :o
Then much to my shame, she grabbed the bill and paid for it...
Yes...i know...how sad of me letting her pay, even though she insisted.
Tapi ticket wayang, which was Wall Street. Itu saya cover, partial redemption! Haha! *crickets creaking*
An alright movie, good performances by the the two main's, but at times there was a wee bit too much on the technical talk bout stocks and share and all that business economy stuff which kinda lost me now and then, as much as I tried to faham those parts, but a nice watch anyway.. :)
After that, Adoi, big showdown on the phone with mom bout bringing Banana Baby home, to cook her dinner. And of course, yours truly, The Rebel Without A Cause, prevailed!
And in what I would categorise as a Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah moment, I had brought a gorgeous girl home, to cook for her. *catches breath* And now you know why I was out of breath for a bit and stammering in the elevator.
We chilled in me room for a bit, she deliberately tortured the Teddy that she gave me, over patting him and shaking him and aiyooo, kesian Teddy.
Off to the kitchen next, I made her Linguine with shredded chicken and coriander pesto, and mind you, pesto made from scratch ya, not some Prego sauce out of a jar okaayy... *bangga*
Sorry la if the Parmesan was 'fake' or my presentation tak berapa "up", I'll do better next time ookie's?
Thanks for helping me shred the ayam and waiting on me while I masak-ed.. :)
Here she is, enjoying her dinner, *nom,nom*, under Teddy's watchful eye..
No you are not fat, and neither do you look like an aunty, please! Good grief!
A person is eligible to be called fat, only when it's seen to be very obvious and it causes health deterioration.
You're beautiful just the way you are as a person and in looks! I don't need to get the President of the USA to write you a letter confirming how fine you look.. *teddy nods along*
Remember, Miss Enthusiasm, show it bout how you feel bout yourself.... Sorry if I seem like I'm preaching, just pouring my thoughts out.
Hmmm... and since you do read my blog, no I'm not having "oh shit, she read everything that i wrote with reference to her, the poem and all my other gripes" it is a blog for public viewing, so I have no problem with you reading it, instead I appreciate it, and glad you saw my tribute to Hammie, that Calvin & Hobbes comic strip really fit the moment in my mind, I hope it had the somewhat same effect for you. :)
Well, back to our day, after she habis makan-ing, i got her to pick one colour paint from a box of water colours, (whispers) *I actually already knew what colour she was gonna pick, but just in case, I brought the whole box along :p* and got her to do some painting for me, no no, I did not make her paint my walls, nor did I let her paint Teddy as well, but i got her to paint this....
Look at the speed and dexterity there, such skill shown with deft flicks of her brush, she paints so fast we can barely even SEE the brush! Theo Walcott is a snail compared to her, foof!
Her homemade B'day card I made for her, It had beach sand pasted on the borders as well as some pink/red seashells, the white part i had written using candle wax. Remember, some of us did do artwork like this light years ago, so i decided to go old school. We both can So Solemnly Swear That We Are People Who Once Failed Art In School, but no worries, we all have other talents that we can use.
The Pretty gal and her finished card, dazzling smile, even the star above her head looks dark in comparison.
Pretty Rose and gal! Hmmm, somehow scenes from the movie Beauty And the Beast come to mind right now, the rose and all, haha..
I sure hope she enjoyed the outing as much as I did, and hope dinner was good too.
Thanks for the transport and lunch, appreciate it loads.
Happy Birthday my friend. Take care and hope to see you soon.
*hugs*
Havoc punye lagu beb sekalian nih, ambilkan dengar kepada seluruhnye dan nampakkanlah ke-enjoy-an pada muka-muka hangpe iya!
"You should grow a misai. Then you'd be a micho."
Hahaha! A micho, adoi, sounds more cute than macho la abang...
A taxi driver once told me at work, something 'misai' related, he said amongst them, there's a new term called "Kontrol Misai". I asked him where'd it come from, dia pun cakap, last time when some 'Awek chun comes around, laki mesti mula "kontrol macho" kan, jadi since the term "kontrol macho" feel like its been used abit too long de, they ambil keputusan to modify la bagi jadi "Kontrol Misai"
But all in all, the message being delivered is great, so is what they represent and by the look of things, they really put a lot of time and effort into the making of that video. *Tabiks!*
Hereare the lyrics for your ke-enjoy-an! Sing along now....!!!
That Okay Song
Verse 1
Going downtown going underground
"What's the best place to get good DVD9's lah macha?"
Well I kinda know a guy in Chinatown
"Petaling Street? Aisey-man situ selalu kena raid lah beb."
But my taukay always brings all the prices down
"Okay-lah, but that one if kena saman cannot get diskaun wan."
It's all settled coz the guy is from my hometown
"Wah. Eh can help settle mine ah? Dah bertimbun-lah bro."
Verse 2
Stuck in a car on a highway
"Look at this fella here. Bawa kereta macam jalan bapak dia. Hoi."
Everyone's driving like it's Sunday
"Yang 'ni pulak sure lesen kopi punya, 100 percent!"
But for real it happens every damn day
"Kesian cik adik 'ni pulak kena accident. Faster take the nombor."
Coz we blame it on the floods, the trucks, the traffic lights, and the rempits cutting in lanes left to right
Pre-Chorus 1
Myl. You should grow a misai. Then you'd be a micho.
What the hell is a micho-lah?
"Misai Macho"
Fulamak. Goes well with my kopi jantan-lah.
{Chorus}
Hey, it's okay.
We gotta live for a better day. (Hey!)
Now we give a little a love and we're on our way
Kita kaotim everything, parava-illay
You say, don't play play
Kita mudah lupa but we say "nay". (Nay!)
Now we got a little love, keep it on replay
You say semua tak boleh, tapi we all okay aje!
Verse 3
"Why the all tak habis-habis reminding us to be grateful. What's up man?"
Why does it feel like its just a game?
"The same familiar fat faces on billboards, tv, paper, blah, blah, blah"
Same faces, catchphrases and bad cliches
"Check out this lame rhyming rhetorics, man... Hit me Ezra"
Things like... bersabar, jangan cabar, bersyukur, jangan lupa, muda lupa, cemerlang gemilang terbilang.
Pre-chorus 2
How long you going to be away again? Visa dah settle dah?
Dah. My visa can tahan three months.
You going to some tropical paradise getaway kan?
Yeah some damn nice gila exotic place called Kuching and KK
Chorus
Instrumental
Chorus
Next is another hit single about being a Macha or wanting to be a Macha.... I Am A Macha.... yehh....
Mmmm.... I havent worn Bata in a while de, but i do wear my Pallas shoes with Macha-ness pride!
And I'm gonna be off to the mamak in a few hours time to kena a milo ais and catch Sunderland v Arsenal, Go Gunners! :)
Inspired by Justin's midnight stroll, I too did go about Georgetown on the 31 July, to visit some of the exhibitions that were held to coincide with the Georgetown Festival, so apart from them exhibitions I did go jalan-jalan to slow things down and see Penang in a different way, on me two paws....
Just decided to write bout the Teoh Beng Hock suicide note, it's bloody weird that the note was found in Teoh's bag 2 months after he died by the investigating officer, Its like what the fuck, it didnt occur to whoever, that something could be in the bag, you think he was carrying an empty bag around as a fucking fashion statement, might at well ask him to join America's Malaysia's Next Top Model to parade his slingbag on the runway.
And the fact that it took 2 months to find it?!?! Kane, is Teoh's bag like Doraemon's magical pocket is it, an inter dimensional storage device till it took so bloody long to find.
And since it took you so damn long to find it, I'm sure you had an even harder time finding you wife's cunt when you gonna fuck her right, since a note is bigger, she must've been bored out of her brains while you were prodding and probing about to find that opening of her's, which could explain why it took that long to find the note, fuckwad.
Next, on something different, you know what Ibrahim Ali, maybe you should just get a pet dog,
lie down on your back
And get the dog to Fuck you in your shit head of a face!!!! you dog-cocksucker!!
or......
You, Siti inshah and Ahmad ismail should have a fuckin' threesome of racists!! you bunch of inbred bumiputera's, which means son's of the soil, my ass, more like son's who soiled themselves!
That tudung-ed whore of a pricipal, siti inshah, what's that you said again bout us indians and chinese huh, "Chinese students are not needed in the school and can go back to China or Sekolah Foon Yew (a private Chinese school in Johor).....the prayer strings Indian students wear on their neck and wrist make them look like dogs, and only dogs would be tied this way"
Fuck you lahh...! go screw yourself with a bamboo shoot before we stitch your sorry cunt and ass up with rafia string and send YOU to china!
I hope the pandas ass rape you...
Even Namewee made song for you, awww...how sweet of him....
Sunday of last week, I gave up.... I lost the battle.
She said either I give up courting, loving and having any feelings for her or keep those things going and risk losing her...
forever...
I've scared her, made her afraid and feel unsafe around her....I am sorry for making you feel so and you have forgiven me, thankfully. All it took was me stopping, I never saw It properly, how It was always about me keeping at It, not wanting to give up, but at the cost of driving her away. If I really did care for her I'd let go.
And some well spoken words of advice from V did help shake me out of my 5 year long dream-scape.
And so, I let go...
With a heart so heavy with knowing all these years of what I've believed in, held on to, had such strong faith, prayed for, bout love overcoming all barriers, were quite untrue...
My faith in that four letter word has crumbled like a wall, seemingly sturdy but only to be taken down so easily because of shoddy construction materials.
My believe in that four letter word is pretty much gone, it feels like a lie, my home is a lie, my family is a lie.
Now its back to feeling nothing, I'm now a rock once more, rocks feel nothing, even when kicked about, even when they are cracked and broken in two, even in the hot sun or under the cold and heavy rain. Well, at least I'll be stable, no fluctuations from when I'm happy after seeing or hearing from you...and no being sad like during those times when I was shut out.
Just nothing now...
I wonder what do I do with that unopened bottle of wine and also the also unopened bottle of Absolut Apeach vodka, be reminded both are mine, wine I snagged from..somewhere and vodka given to me.
Shall I down both at the same time and be rid of them. Drink for the first time in my life and be probably totally wasted, alone..
Life was easy way back when I felt nothing, even though my home and family were already lies then, but it was easy to be nothing.
So much for a partial wanting to prove that I'll not be like my fucking old man.
Not because mother keeps jabbering away in my ear bout 'Don't grow to be like him', oh shutthefuck up already, you just never will shut your fuck of a mouth will you, its either bout this or bout you being right all the fucking time 'cos you're the mother and wuek,wuek,wuek,wuek and bout a whole load of other poppy-fuck-cock that anyone else would have died from listening a long time ago, just sick of it. It seems I've terpesong story.
I don't wanna be like him cos if I do, I bloody know Its gonna cause a shit load of pain, that I don't want to see repeated, I wanted to love and make the person I gave my love to feel like she hit the jackpot in "The Hubby Lottery". But I guess that's all out the window, down the steep hill and into the deep ravine, because I'm a rock now, and rocks don't feel anything, even love.
Fuck you cupid, go suck on your love tipped arrows for a change and maybe you just might fall in love with yourself, take a step back and literally fuck your own cherub face..
Getting rid of these feelings are like asking a bird to fly after removing it's wings... I guess It'll still live, If it's being fed, but functioning as a bird would be off.
So ya, I'll stop, I'll give up, but the wings are going to be hard to remove or insanely hard.
If anyone of you knows of where I can get the same procedure like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, please tell me...end my misery by wiping me. There'll be no 'Meet me in Montauk' like in the ending.
Just a blank slate.
My new sem is about to start, and registration was yesterday.
A course mate of mine from Terengganu was kind enough to get me this!!!!!
Keropok Lekor!!!!! No its not made from baby meat...
Plus he gave me some "Terengganu Sambal" which he packed in a peanut butter jar for me, he let me have sniff at it, and I got so high, I flew past cloud 9, cloud 69 and even cloud 99, ok that was pure babble, so ya back to the sambal, celup the keropok with it and makan, crispy outside soft and chewy inside,
Pedas Bin Sedap...!!!
very different from the keropok lekor the mak cik used to sell in school, school's one kinda tough to bite off a piece and chew, this one no prob.
Now you see 4 packs in the picture right? Well at this moment, only 3 pack tinggal, 1 pack i telan de.....
Its all the packs, all mine...mine,mine,mine!
*gobble,gobble,gobble!!*
I suppose its like my next addition to me list of Trashpan's Comfort Foooods!
the usuals are Ice cream, chocs, gummy bears etc, etc... and Keropok lekor...wheee.....
Ps: Kongratulasi to my dear couzzy, Kabi Bear! The man got an intern spot with 8TV! Go forth me young padawan, may the TV be with youu... Sit vis nobiscum.
Kate Winslet's character Iris said this in the movie, The Holiday, well written by the scriptwriters alright..
I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.
“Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.”-William Shakespeare
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."-Charlie brown
My boy Charlie, we could both be good friends you know, you can of times that you were spurned and I can speak of mine.
Once more you've tried to talk me into giving up on you, I really am sorry for making you feel unsafe being around me. But why me, why'd I fall for you so much, and you have no wanting to give us any chance at all, will you always be attracted to guys who break your heart, who put their computer games ahead of you, maybe its time you put aside your sense of attraction to those kinds, not that I'm questioning your taste, but maybe that attraction is blinding you from seeing one who really does want to be with you for real, who will never want to break your heart. Look past this brown un-attractive face... You say, there was never any feelings on your part to begin with, maybe its because you strictly never allowed your heart any when it came to me. You seem to hold on to your heart so tightly when it comes to me i feel.
If I were to be with you, I'd wanna grow old and grey with you, even as i gaze at your wrinkly aged face, I'd still see the beautiful you that I fell for all those years ago.
Please don't leave me unforgiven as i am now.
You feel I'm not emotionally stable enough for you. Well improving my self in that sense for you, just to make you feel secure around me would be a task I'd gladly do if only you gave the chance to do so.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right?
I've never loved at all as compared to you, you're a veteran, I'm the newbie, so of course if you left me I'd be hurt but so will you i suppose, then again you're better equipped and experienced to handle the hurt, who wouldn't feel hurt if they parted with a loved one, but at least if we tried everything to make it work, and in the end if it didn't moving on is what I'd rightfully do, not mope around for losing you, but it would still hurt some way.
Doesn't me feeling this for so long and for the same unwavering manner count for something at all, that in the future you can count on my sense of loyalty.
Maybe it's also because your parents would be totally against it, the reason it being the colour of my skin.
Well my mum once told me no to trust chinese girl's as your girlfriend, they'll only be after you money. C'mon, not every one of them could possibly be like that, well, I found 1 at least that's lively, full of ambition for her life ahead, independent, could make a life of her own as well without the help of anyone else, has all the potential of a loving person, who's a real sweet banana! She may say she's a lazy ass but doesn't everyone have some lazy ass-ness in them as well, she may say she's not the kinda girl she would date if she were a guy, but that's why she's the girl, so that a guy with proper sense WILL date her and love her good and proper, and give her the security, love and harmony of a long lasting relationship.
Anything that's worth having, just like this now, is always worth fighting for what i believe.
If Thomas Edison listened to those people who told him to give up whenever he messed up on his invention of the light bulb, we'd be living the nights by candle light till today, ok well maybe someone else much later on would've invented it as well, but still, he believed he could do it, he needed to do it, he wanted to do it.
I do too.
I'm not asking for you to develop or feel anything overnight, I'm just stating my case as strongly as possible, I may seem like a total long shot in your mind, but long shots do pay off you know.
I need to believe, you taught me to feel, ok you must be wondering "Huh? I taught you to feel?", before falling for you, i never felt much for anything, i did feel some good amounts of joy in early childhood, nut later on I just became numb to everything, a dad who irreparably messed things up big time, and mum and sis which I barely connect with at all.
You made me feel again, just by being yourself.
I believe I can win your heart, or I'll die trying...
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
The greater man is not the man who can seduce a million women in his lifetime, but the man who can hold onto ONE forever.
The Best things in life are worth waiting for... fighting for... believing in... and just never letting go of!..
